Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the Light of the world. He who follows me shall not walk in darkness, but have the Light of Life.” John 8:12 NKJV
Do you see that “picture” right there? Do you see how the rainbow/light is spreading out over the darkness? I have a cross stitch app (so exciting huh?) and when I saw this picture, it resonated with me so much, so I “colored” it in and saved it as a personal reminder. You may be asking, “A reminder of what Heather? All I see is a blurry picture of a girl riding a bike, with a rainbow trailing off behind her.” Your right. That’s all YOU can see, but here’s what I see. Here’s what God showed me while I was “coloring”.
GOD: “Heather this is YOU my sweet girl. This is you riding that bike with Me sitting right beside you, spreading light and color all over your darkness. The places of your heart and soul that have been so dark for so long will not see darkness again.”
Well AMEN! 2018 was a full year of spiritual warfare for me. It was HARD and tiring and at times seemed to be more than I could handle, and then the depression and anxiety would come roaring back to life, but God kept me. He kept me safe. Satan came at me from every direction and a few times tried to literally take me out. Heck, on Christmas Eve he literally tried to kill me!! I was making a turn and 3 cars came within inches of hitting me on 3 different sides. Inches. God kept me that night just like He has kept me over and over again in the past 10 years, and especially this past year.
As 2019 grew closer, I spent a lot of time thinking about all that had happened in 2018 and was amazed that I had made it to 2019 with my life and sanity! It was CRAZY!
My husband had two strokes, my 19 year old son found his best friend lying deceased on the floor, my 17 year old daughter suffered a major concussion, and I battled for my sanity and my life. Spiritual life included. (There’s so much more but I don’t have enough space to write it all down) In all of these situations, God showed me what true Faith was all about. In almost every trial and hard time this past year, there wasn’t one single thing I could do but pray and trust God. It was hard. In a world where we all want to automatically fix everything, it’s hard to learn to let go and truly give it to God. I fought, I fussed, I told God I couldn’t do it. I pretty much acted like a kicking, screaming toddler in the beginning, but eventually it got easier. Eventually I got to where I could say, “God I don’t understand it and I don’t like it, but I know you’ve got this and I trust you.”
I heard a Pastor say that 2018 was the year of the “hard reset”. Like when your phone freezes and you do a “soft reset” and it fixes it but the underlying problem is still there. Well a hard reset will fix it, but your going to lose everything. Including the bad thing(s)/problem(s). That’s what 2018 was for me. A HARD RESET. God was removing the problems/viruses/bad things that were getting in the way of His plan. And while God was doing this, the prince of darkness was doing everything in his power to stop it. Thus ensued, a spiritual warfare that a lot of times I could not see, but boy oh boy, I sure could feel it.
It. Was. Painful. And heavy. So, so heavy.
I’m thankful though. I’m thankful for all of the trials. Without the trials I would have never learned to fully trust God. I would have never learned that He is Faithful just as He says. That He is Love. Or that He 100% has the BEST plans for me.
On New Years eve, as the countdown began, my eyes filled with tears and all I could do was say, “Thank you Jesus”, over and over again. I made it! No matter how many times satan knocked me down, I still got back up. I didn’t stay down. I got back up and fought with all I had in me and God took care of it. God brought me through. Now, with absolute confidence, I can face the devil and say, “Still I Stand! You can knock me down all you want, but I’ll get back up stronger and braver than ever before.”
I was glad to see 2018 go. It couldn’t get out of here fast enough! The “hard reset” was crippling! But after a hard reset (like on your phone) there is a restore. Restoration! That’s what happens now! That’s what 2019 is for me…. My year of RESTORATION! I can’t wait! I’m excited to see where God takes me and see just exactly how He is going to use me and this blog to turn the darkness into light.
If you, yourself are going through dark times, I whole heartedly urge you to just hold on. Hold on just a little while longer. Cling to the Savior and He will see you through. He loves you and only wants what’s best for you, His precious child. And when it’s all said and done you too can look at satan (while laughing in his face) and say STILL I STAND!
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